Most days/ Poem by Alba Lupu

Most days I’m okay lately 
I am functional. But then,
I always have been. 
There is something that keeps me going, 
how is it that I’m still here? 
What is it that keeps me alive? 
I guess, I always find a reason for 
survival. 
First, it was religion. It is a sin
to end your life within the religion I grew up with, 
but I didn’t ask for this life either. 
Then, it was my daughter,
she needed me. 
Finally! When she grew up, I thought that 
I can do whatever I want with my life. 
Not so fast...my son came along 
or so I decided he should.
Why not, it will be different, 
and it is, in many ways. Except…
I still have suicidal thoughts. 
That’s how I will live for the rest of my life, 
thinking about it, 
contemplating it, but never doing it. 
I guess I am too afraid,
or maybe,
I finally want to live.

//////////

Alba Lupu is a poet and writer living in the coastal town of Ocean Shores, WA. She's been reciting her poems across US and Canada, including Windsor, Ontario where she won 2nd place in a Poetry Slam contest. In her work she expresses the struggles of identity, gender, migration and belonging to oneself. Being an immigrant herself, Alba finds her peace and creative inspirations while walking the local beaches. 
 

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